Saturday, February 25, 2012

03. Almost everyone thinks they’ve been cheated of happiness!

There are those who thrive in this world, and then there are the Rest of Us, which I suspect includes almost all of us, except for the hundred richest families in the world. Even they don’t seem to last more than a couple of generations, and I am sure they all have some less than happy members. I hope someone finds an interesting bit or two here. I know I’ve tried this stuff on family, but they’re not buying. They’re not very happy, either. Which figures…so this stuff comes without warranties, on a take-it-or-leave-it basis!
Ultimately, every one of us craves happiness. It would perhaps be more helpful to say that we all want to be happy, rather than to get and hoard happiness like a commodity. We want to remain happy, experience a state of well-being, all the time. We obviously didn’t get this in our lifetime, so we try to secure it for our children by getting all sorts of things for them, and trying to shield them from all pain. We get our children, in fact, thinking that will solve all our problems and induce a state of perpetual bliss and kindness, but we feel cheated when we realize that here is no pot at the end of the rainbow, no happy ending, no ever after, except a dull ache of the pain of living.

The fact is that every one of us feels this sense of betrayal, of our loved ones having let us down, of life itself having cheated us. This dull ache even takes away our ability to enjoy the few things that are going well, like the job that we do have which brings in a salary at the end of every month, the house we live in, maybe the car we drive to work or the roads we use to get there. The funny thing is that it affects all of us, regardless of the things we do have, each one of us. So when we think that we’ll be happy at last provided we just get that bigger house, or better car, or move to a better neighborhood, we find out soon enough that we’re back with that ache, only at a higher level of living, maybe with bigger responsibilities or insecurities. We each feel we will be happy at last if we have full control; but even the man at the top, our beloved leader, feels hemmed in and controlled by the masses.

The moral of the story is therefore obvious…before we hanker after more and better, we need to make sure why we’re not getting a sense of fulfillment with what we have, where we are. Getting enjoyment from our existing station is an art and a skill, that has to be practiced to keep ourselves fit. A master musician has to practice his scales every day; a couple of day’s neglect shows in his performance almost immediately. Similarly a few sessions of moaning will immediately show in our sense of joy and fulfillment in life. We will forget the immense untapped potential in what we already have, in our hankering after more and newer things. Like equipment junkies who will always be on the verge of writing their masterpiece with the next, latest, computer, or producing mind-blowing landscapes with that latest, high-pixel camera, we practitioners of living will also always dream of the life around the next corner of our winding destiny.

So let me say, this is my life…let me try living it first before deciding it sucks. My next house, my next spouse, my next life may not appear to be any better, even if it scores on all material or objective counts…perhaps I just need to practice my skills on the life I have, rather than searching out a new one!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

02. The sensation of being hurt

Most of us go through life with a persistent feeling of having been hurt most of the time. The hurt is caused by other people, by events, by actions or words, or their absence, by things that happen.
The fact of the matter is, most people are bothered principally about themselves... that’s why we constantly monitor our own state of being and feeling...  but we expect others to be bothered about... us!  So much of the time we end up feeling disappointed... and hurt.
Kids are disappointed that their parents don’t do enough for them, parents feel the kids are indifferent, the boss tears his hair out at his obdurate staff, the employees feel neglected and misunderstood... and so on. We think that the head of the government, at least, is all-powerful, but the moment he (or she) says something specific about anything, a hundred people jump on their words and pillory them... everyone feels powerless and imposed upon. A continuous feeling of frustration could well lead to chronic diseases and poor health, including stress-induced conditions like high blood pressure, diabetes, general depression, lessened immunity (think of viral warts!) and so on.
To a certain extent, since we are living, feeling human beings, things will hurt us... especially those that cause physical pain. But we are talking more about the way we react to situations, to actions of others, to situations that do not fit into our pattern of expectations.  The key here is that most things are out of our control, even outside our sphere of influence, as anyone who has brought up kids through their adolescence will know.
The source of the hurt is that we are concerned with ourselves, even as we blame the other for being self-centred. The answer is thus to stop expecting others to be selfless when we ourselves haven’t been able to cast off our self-concern. Once we realise that most of what others do is not directed at us, but is simply that they are acting out their own desires and interests, we may be able to lessen the feeling of being a target, of being hurt. Of course it is difficult to get into another’s head, but once we remove ourselves from the equation, we may at least be able to try and look at things from another perspective.  We may still feel sorry and helpless at the utter stupidity of the other, but at least we can look at them with compassion, rather than hurt and loathing.

01. So what's the idea...

Life's taught us a few things...and we've learnt some from life. Here's an attempt to share some of these...

Caveat: This material is guaranteed not to save the world. It may help you, though, to savour it better... and you don't have to agree with anything, and your comments are most welcome if done in good taste and to help us navigate this difficult space...