Thursday, March 1, 2012

04 We keep searching for approval

Do you remember when you were a kid, you would keep on tugging at your Dad's sleeve and telling him, look, look? No, I'm sure you don't, but your own child is probably doing that right now (or that pesky neighbour's kid maybe?...).

Some of us (who am I kidding...most of us!) never really grow out of that state of mind. Our Daddies didn't have much time then, and the substitute daddies we look to... spouses, bosses, friends and neighbours, the adoring public, the office girl, our own kids...don't have much time for us either. They'll humour us some as long as they're getting something out of us, but even that may be too heavy a price to pay...how many times are they going to listen to the same joke and the same off-tune song?

Maybe Western societies have a lot more positive reinforcement, but many other cultures are rather dismissive about lesser persons, children of a lesser god as it has been termed by Arundati Roy, and family status, wealth, class and caste are often stronger determinants than an individual's own efforts. I'm not saying this is good or fair, but operating in such a hierarchical, highly judgemental society does require a certain hard-boiled approach to rewards and recognition. What you see is not always what you get.

If you really seriously wait for approval in such a society or organisation, you may end up unfulfilled and dissatisfied. This is especially likely in large bureaucracies and government, where relationships tend to be short-term, hierarchical, and one-sided. On the other hand, you will be pulled up if you slack off. The problem is to keep on slogging without positive responses...difficult for the average person.

So the response here is to take work as its own reward, just like the Bhagawad-Gita says. It's also very fulfilling in the long term, leads to a sense of independence, self-worth and professional competence. And who knows...it may even bring you some recognition at some stage! Conversely, though, let us try to be generous with our own approval...a tough task, especially if we do not agree with the other person's choices in our heart of hearts...which is why Daddies find it so difficult to say, Shabhash, beta (Great, kiddo!).

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