30 Try not to burn your boats before you find your bridges

Ok, that may be too much of a mixed metaphor… but you get the underlying idea. In fact, it would be better not to burn your boats ever… even after you’ve crossed the river (which was the original proverb), because not only may you want to return that way sometime in the future (see what happened to Alexander and his men on their retreat!), but someone else may need to use them in the meantime.

Dropping the metaphor, what I am trying to say is that it is always better to keep some options open, even if you are pretty sure that you’ll never consider them ever. When I left my M.Sc. course in the last semester for the forest service, I was pretty sure that I would never consider taking up chemistry again or coming back to the institute. Fortunately for me, my father made a simple suggestion that I leave a note with the institute explaining that I was leaving for the service, and requesting them to consider allowing me to complete the course at some future date. As we all know, registration is kept alive for a certain number of years, and there is usually the option of resuming a course within the permissible time span. After my training period was over (that’s some three years!), I did go back and finish my last semester… and all on the strength of the little note I had submitted, which had been kept on my file in the department with the Head’s noting that I might be given a chance to complete the course when and if I approached them in the future. That M.Sc. didn’t lead to a career in chemistry, but I did manage to write a nice paper that integrated forestry science with the chemistry of natural products, and more importantly, provided a basic qualification for registering for other courses of study like the Ph.D. in the United Kingdom on a Commonwealth Scholarship. So this is a direct example of leaving your boat tied up on the bank after you’ve used it (as is the accepted etiquette, incidentally!).

Another context in which this adage is very important is in quitting places and relationships. It is always better to split up amicably, whatever your immediate inner feelings. Since nobody is really going to care about your opinion of them (do you take what others think about you seriously… especially your parents? I thought not), no good is going to come of telling them what you think of them before leaving. Don’t get fooled by the “exit interview” into disclosing your real feelings (which may not be all that palatable)… on the contrary, give a few compliments and say how valuable the association has been and how you will cherish the memories. If you do leave in acrimony, the news is sure to get around and you may be type-cast as a difficult character best avoided by future prospective employers. The crucial thing to understand here is that you are not going to make the other person feel remorseful by listing all the things they have done wrong. Any damage will be to your own image, and future prospects. Who knows, the person you imagine to be your enemy now may well turn out to be a well-wisher in the long run! This especially applies to parents and parental figures in general!

One last illustration of this curious phenomenon of things turning out differently in the long run: often the persons with whom you used to have the worst fights turn out to be the persons who remember you in later years! The old bosses who hated your guts all those decades ago (I’m sorry, that’s how much time I have spent in this business of managing life!) form a band of friendly old geezers in their sunset years. All they remember is that you were somehow closely engaged with them, a part of their life experience, and the specifics of your quarrels are often forgotten or overlooked. After all, how many people actually exist in this world who know you or knew you through all those formative years?  A handful, if I am not mistaken. I guess old married couples (at least in my generation) stick together on the same principle… much to the mystification of the youngsters!